Jia Jiang’s “What I learned from 100 days of rejection” is one of my all time favorite Ted Talks. He talks about setting himself up for intentional failure to learn from it and numb himself to its often negative energies. If you have some time, check it out:
Jia Jiang adventures boldly into a territory so many of us fear: rejection. By seeking out rejection for 100 days — from asking a stranger to borrow $100 to requesting a “burger refill” at a restaurant — Jiang desensitized himself to the pain and shame that rejection often brings and, in the process, discovered that simply asking for what you want can open up possibilities where you expect to find dead ends.
For me, I haven’t had 100 days of rejection, I’ve had nearly 20 years of it, professionally speaking. I think of my sports heroes and the obstacles that they overcame to become the legends they are: Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team; Tom Brady was virtually unwanted by every NFL team; Jackie Robinson received death threats and racist comments at every turn.
My favorite is Babe Ruth though.
Babe Ruth is known for the 714 home runs he hit in his career. He hit some monstrous power shots in nearly every ballpark at that time. A stat most people don’t know? He also struck out 1,330 times.
Over thirteen hundred times he approached the plate and failed.
I think about that stat when I get told “No” or an idea of mine is rejected. I realize now that I’ve learned some incredibly power things when it comes to people telling me no, rejecting my work and seemingly “failing” when it comes to business.
When we’re faced with an opportunity for rejection, say a client meeting or asking that cute blonde out that’s standing next to the bar, you know the one who just dialed up some Neil Diamond on the jukebox, we tend to psych ourselves out with worst-case scenarios.
I can be the biggest detriment to my own success sometimes. I can’t help it though, the thoughts creep in without warning: “Oh my god, the client is going to be super pissed and wonder out loud why their money is being wasted by this no talent hack” or “Did an amateur do this? I thought I hired a pro!”
Over the course of my career, though, I’ve figured out that “No” isn’t the end of the world… it may suck and it may be a shot to my pride… but it’s not the end. In fact, “No” or the rejection of an idea can often help me out, if I choose to learn from it.
Like I stated, rejection sucks, but it doesn’t mean the party is over. Not even close.
For example, the year before I made the best decision of my life and moved to Las Vegas, I was in the running for a nice corporate design job at a company I enjoyed working for. It was right up my alley and would allow me to progress in my field, and because of the company’s prestige in the community it would give me instant credibility at a time I felt I desperately needed it.
Ultimately, I was passed over for someone, in my opinion, was not as good as I was.
The rejection hurt.
It hurt my feelings because I didn’t feel I was given a fair shot. It hurt my pride because I felt they were saying my work wasn’t good.
That rejection led me down the path to saying “Yes” to moving to Vegas where I would land with the company I’m still employed with, doing the best job in the world and getting paid well to do it.
While rejection temporarily hurts your pride and ego, I’ve come to appreciate for what it can do in the form of clearing away inessential tasks from my schedule. It keeps me moving forward with projects that are already approved and need attention.
As every day office folks, entrepreneurs and task managers can attest, schedules can fill up incredibly quick with small but time consuming tasks. Getting a “No” to a gig or a rejection from a potential client helps keep my schedule sane and workable.
Hearing “No” and learning how to say “No” have been vital to my success in very every skill I’ve learned in business so far. Instead of doing okay work on 24 projects I can now give 10 projects my undivided attention to create incredible work.
I’ve worked in the media business for nearly 20 years now and I’ve come to find out that a “No” isn’t always an outright rejection to other ideas or collaboration opportunities down the line.
I look back on the creative work I did early in my career and laugh. Who doesn’t? That font?? What the hell was I thinking??
Every once and a while I’ll think about this local restaurant I wanted to do design work for to help my freelancing portfolio. I sent idea after idea to their marketing manager. I got nothing but a cascade of “Thanks, but the colors just don’t look right, we’re going to pass,” and “This copy doesn’t match our overall brand image” until I had just about given up hope.
One day while dining in this restaurant, I overheard to waiters talking about a football special they had coming up in two months. I remember one of them saying, “They don’t even have artwork yet, the ad agency is way behind on everything.” I thought to myself, “This is my shot!” and started working on ideas right away.
I took all of the marketing managers advice to heart, created 3 pieces of work and emailed them as soon as I finished around 2am. It was a sleepless night, but around 9am I got a call from the marketing manager… they loved the pieces and were super grateful because they were very behind with their promotion. I ended up working with them for years!
Over the years, I’ve become less scared of rejection and hearing “No” and it’s actually found a special place in my soul.
It motivates the hell out of me if someone doesn’t like my work or passes on an idea. I refine and polish ideas until they’re as perfect as can be. I’ll stay up late or wake up early, incredibly excited to work on the task at hand. It helps me remember why I fell in love with this business in the first place.
You know what though? Sometimes still, after all the of the refining and polish, the idea or the work still gets rejected. That’s life. There’s nothing you can do about it.
These days it doesn’t haunt me like it use to. It doesn’t wield the same negative power over me that it once did. I’ve turned rejection into motivation and criticism into a way to sharpen my skills.
Hell, even Babe Ruth struck out.
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This article originally appeared on our sister site, Full Metal Traveler.